she disappears into the mist of your bewilderment--
the Eternal Lover--
the True Wife--
the other half of your pitiful half--
you see her in the blaze of sunlight
of leaves on summer trees--
you follow her down innumerable avenues
only to catch up to her and see
she isn't the one you were pursuing
but the resemblance was so strong--
you caught a whiff of sisterhood
and went wild with desire
you thought was a higher aspiration--
what's to keep you from retreating
into a delusion of spiritual suffering designed
to bore the hell out of any unfortunate enough
to wind up sitting next to you
at the brisket and beer joints?
you have no out anytime anywhere--
you are squarely in the middle of your hell
and God will let you roast there awhile--
and if deliverance be the death of the carnal shell
of all your heat--well--you asked for it--didn't you?--
unlimited liability on every soul
but worse for you who thought you could slide passed
with a noble intent disguising an emptiness
in the soul--now you know and can do nothing
that will invoke the intercession of Grace--
you cheated and lied before the sunset
thinking night would give you cover--
but nights brighter than any day
have shown you your fatal misjudgment--
you wonder among the throngs
blissfully unaware of the tab they are running
at the Eternal Club of the Limitless Experience--
but they will suffer less than you because they are unaware--
they haven't reached your self-awareness
tainted as it is with ego comforted but not overcome--
they will have their time--they will be where you are--
(their sleepless nights already hint at this)
but what is that to you?
you've already littered your own path--
you will gain nothing of someone else's miseries--
you are out there--forlorn under the violet twilight
ending another dubious day of self-absorption--
you cast your self-hate at them because you think
they are mirrors--
you have no will but to seek
and still she evades you--(maybe even saw you coming and fled--)
you squandered every blessing the angels brought to you
and you haven't even started the penitence
you'll only ruin with your own crazed view
of your place in creation--
but somewhere your completion sits on her dismay--
wondering where you are and why you haven't gotten
even the rudiments of awareness together enough
to find her and release both of you from the squalor
of your ultimate faithlessness--
she cannot name her disappointment--
(she's fled from so many pretenders--and there's a good chance
you were among them)
but you won't know this until it's too late--
you'll continue--oh you'll continue alright--
but what mercy will finally manifest
when you both meet and finally recognize each other?
will she know you for sure?
will you be enough over yourself
to be truly contrite?
you'll wander--stumbling in a haze
of hallucination and evisceration
until some Light awaken you...
to what damnation?
to what salvation?
Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.