Wednesday, October 26, 2011


we go out the way we came in

surely every turn of the corner tells you so

every child will grow old watching their children grow old

until we all go in the way we came out


the sky has changed

the earth a pale travesty of its supreme glory

I've lived long enough to see

leaves falling in my dreams

from trees that no longer reach for the sky

everything has changed

except what sees through my eyes


hectored right to the end

I endure her bewilderment her frustration

her resentment her disdain

we sought bonds in some forever promise

though we knew better the fragility of desires

we failed each other

we saved each other

our worn love is frayed but holding

what but death will finally break us?

what small dyings have begun that process?


Saturn has ruled my life

more deeply than I thought

every last failure

every last qualified success

has instructed me on the delusions

of faith and left that ringed turd

lodged up my ass like a proctologist's finger


I don't understand what I once knew by heart

what changed my heart?

what changed my mind?


all that I could tell you is suspect

where I see dark clouds

you'd see the sun glimmering behind them

all that you could tell me is needs proof

and there is no proof in truth

there is no truth in proof

each reality is another dimension

and our loves and aspirations

unknowable breaches of black holes


I got nervous when I looked into the Void

and the Void looked back winking

is this what Nietzsche saw?


a permanent knot in the stomach


the past is an instant ago

and now has just gone past


you would love to hear me recite apologies continuously

your reality insists on it

demands it

I would love to be elsewhere

my reality demands quiet and if it gets that quiet and peace

it does so at the heavy price of bearing your contempt


to end up like this

a lifetime of suffering endured

only to have it all rise up to smother me

a last time

and it still wasn't enough to placate

the Judge


were that death a true release

but it is only a transition to other griefs of quest

life after life until it goes forth no more

the soul has its work cut out for it


let each face his ultimate demons

sufficient onto the life he is in

as long as life is

is as long as it takes great age to turn

and be young once more

to be as children once more


my love we've harmed ourselves

to the same degree we've healed each other

no greater love than sacrifice

to lay down one's life

in the face of all illusion to save to preserve

the ways we've helped each other

how this fact rankles

how sore and heart-breaking this truth

to know through whatever sorrows and joys

the ways we've helped each other


we don't know

we've ceased to care

it's about time

I was beginning to think

this bird around my neck

would awaken and fly off

with me in tow


you like to hear the words 'I love you'

I do also

but words mean nothing and that's why they're dying

we learn hard to live in that love

because it is hard


so we go

under the bare branches

under the cold wind

as if no one in flesh could see us

all we've loved preserved in consciousness

and a part of our identity now

and as whatever vistas blurs as the last unexpected sight

in the life that had such hope and expectation

only to be cursed by what reckoning would hock

even when some positive development occurred

it's no matter now

the sight blurs to gray

then blackens

and there we are

all our scenes

asleep in another skin

* * * *

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

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