FINAL CONFESSION

well--that sure as shit didn't work


owning up is hard when you learn

through bitter experience

that mercy and forgiveness are in our human dominion--


the universe could give two fucks

whether we repent and atone

vengeance is all that matters


God's vengeance that is--

and God could care less

what we do--


the way to heaven is to freely choose

to be a slave to a deity that is never satisfied--

(if you don't believe in fairy tales


then think cause and effect

and the mechanics of a monstrous process--

to be redeemed is to give up


all notions of a forgiving Source of Life

and to surrender to your own death

empty as a jug after debauchery--


I thought I had a plan

I thought I could amend--

maybe some people are allowed this


but my sins must be so heinous

that nothing but my destruction

will balance any scales in the heavens--


so I accept my failure

caused by my own childish faith--

the injustices in creation


are God's creation also--

we wish we could kill God

and know we can't


so we slay each other instead--

the religious get around this by knowing

this was done by the Crucifixion--


the ritual slaughter to heal

the injustices in creation--

and while the herds perpetuate the harm


in their prayers and dogmas--their self-serving beliefs--

idiots like me who stumbled outside

the city gates at home in some wilderness


pay a worse price--madness--destruction of spirit--

and the dizzy emptiness of desolation and loss--

because every prophet must waken from


his dream of spiritual pride and face his human vanity

as Elijah as John the Baptist faced the consequence of

his murder of Jezebel at her hands as Salome--


no one escapes this implacable wrath--

but to find love and grace in this

is the concern of those the rest of us


can never hope to emulate--

I submit--I confess-I am contrite--

I wish to amend--I want to repent--I will atone


and every time I open my mouth to affirm--the universe again

collapses around me--so I tried to do right but that

sure as shit didn't work--


and only the end of this sojourn on earth will suffice--


only release from this hideous hell a world will suffice--


I am ready to go--God leaving me no other way to go--





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