the grumpy old man

is played for comedy


forget the clowns

who want to play Hamlet


serious is serious

but seriously...humor makes it go down better


what greater gift could you bring

but the gift of laughter?








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I've lost so much

of what's over and done


I've nothing left

not even fear


and being empty means

all that held is finally gone


and being empty means

I now can receive








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

love does not know itself


it is concerned wholly

with the Other


it finds and fulfills itself

in the reflection of another's soul


and strengthens and defines itself

in that embrace and joining of souls where


love comes to know itself








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

you gamble

every time you open your mouth


you explain a truth you know

and others will hear you or not


why such fear in opening

to the reality of others?


do you really think you're so unique

and beyond comparison?








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I say one thing

you hear another


all conversation

is an act of interpretation


and so so much

is lost in translation


our truths clash without

the common ground of empathy








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

IMPERVIOUS

we always yearn


we never learn


return again and again


shameless in our pride


to botch another life


because we're not happy


unless we're controlling someone


heedless of the eternity we'd lose for our vanity









Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

IN THEIR BOX

every person in their box

thinks they are free

thinks they can instruct and teach others


tin ears all of them

they preach to hear their voices in the wind

they presume to show the fish how to swim


deaf even to their own doom

they'll die dismissively disdaining those who wouldn't follow them






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

too much knowledge

will sink you

like a panicking hiker

sucked into the quicksand






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

narcissism breeds madness


and is the test of strength

for the truly humble


to withstand








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

the swampy day disperses energy

like grounding runs electricity off

its arc and into its non-conductible waste

that is this strange and humid day

when some people threaten others

and others wander past the scene later

not imagining what the hell was going on...

I'm not in love with the way Life was designed

and wonder sometime if the Lord Itself

is in its right mind...it gets pretty hard

to care after this continual shit

and even the Source of All Life

doesn't quite seem to get it that you can only

do so much draining in this humid muck we call today....

Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito. 

my face shows everything


it is as fact-laden as a documentary


but my love...woman that she be...


(and they all are sisters...whatever their cattiness


toward each other)


she and they all create themselves...


the beautiful face a fiction


that expresses all truth as lies


and makes you understand why


you have no chance to change the world


when it is so much easier


and kinder to submit


and the sadness of your face


confirms the mask








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

APOCALYPTIC BALL

now I know why

it is so easy

to laugh and cry

in a single sound


the world hurts us

but life is a joke


we take comedy to heart

but find tragedy value neuter


and then never know

what the appropriate dress code is


for what catastrophe








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I wouldn't try to convince anyone

of whatever reality

they've embroiled themselves in...


christ...even I don't know

what's coming next

and I had a plan....


seems nothing works

and if it did

would you still know how to work it?











Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

5:30 am

saturday morning

shouting

under our window


two guys holding

another guy's arms and feet

stretching him out

while a stocky brute


with a silver pipe

(maybe an aluminum baseball bat)

while some of their

girlfriends are screaming and trying


to defuse the situation

my partner calls the cops and reports the incident

look out the window again

the assailants fleeing down opposite


ends of the street

while the victim stands up

from between parked cars

bottom naked and holding his pants


we look out the window later

and see our neighbor talking to the cops

(so we weren't the only ones who called in)

and in this aftermath


my sweetie and I go back to bed weary

but slightly wired

while she tossed hungry

and I lay inspecting the ceiling


and thinking of Auden's great Musee des Beaux Arts....




(accent over first 'e' of course)











Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

the more you struggle

the more you're enchained


and it's more of a tuggle

than your fancy explained


to your heart when you determined

to engage your own pride


in a penance undermined

by the sense you set aside


think now of how hard

releasing your demon will be

now that you know the psychic cost


beware of your personality's appearing shard

that will tear you as what's best in you flies free

and you stumble bleeding and lost






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I envy no one his position


what abilities spent

in bearing the distinct burden


he acquired in ignorance

of the Law


no pissing contents here

to determine who has life harder


or as to why the whole damn world

was built in this way


it has become so much more preferable

to stay out of the way


of those who've yet to learn this issue


and sit here at this sidewalk table sipping a beer

in the blazing sunshine of an ordinary day







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

there is nothing more to say when your time is up...


unless you want to hang around and shot the shit

over the ordinary daily world


that will be the same comic traveling circus

it has always been...


there's not much to say and nothing to do...

the only control over life you have


is your next move...and even then you have

no control over the outcome...


you just let it shake out as it will

and take it from there...


and if some ineffable power weighs

and measures the result then why sweat it?


you'll end up as you will and how would you know otherwise?






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

for two more centuries

the assholes of the hierarchy will rule


our individual freedoms will be as nothing

we will be herded like sheep


and slaughtered like pigs

and we'll welcome it as an eternal norm...


and that's why if I have any real say over it

I won't reincarnate until two and a half centuries


have passed...I want to be among the ones who'll

reestablish human freedom so that each person


will be able to make him or her own moral choice...

for each to choose for him/herself their moral decision...


ages see-saw back and forth trying to strike

an elusive balance that might be the closest we get to grace


but the last word is not ours

and the struggle to enlightenment carries on


from age to age...and I am glad to be done with this time...

nothing I've loved has survived...and nothing I want


will be found in this next era of horror in the disgusting world

we make of the beautiful earth....






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

a long night fading

and I feel like

I'm going out

the way I came in


under a slowly

lightening pre-dawn sky

I feel as if

I lived in a dream state


for 50 years

and awoke to being the child

I was

but so suddenly old and worn


bewildered in the morning

of all and no time at once






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

love and fault aren't impossible to change...


just don't expect a miraculous intervention

causing an instantaneous relief


 if it takes more than this lifetime

to amend and repent and atone


then what of it? it will be

and you will be there when it is







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

let God weep with us then destroy us

for Perfection's sake


it's as foolish as expecting anyone

to really learn their lesson


the wise one who is fool to his own vanity

the fool who is wise by just being the fool


we are monkeys in some abominable cage

and we throw shit at each other


and laugh our Cheetah laugh

we never really lost that wisdom did we?


let God weep with us then destroy us

for Perfection's sake


God will again be alone

while in our time we had a fucking ball....





Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I have sexy thoughts today


better not write them out


we used to celebrate our sexuality

but a gang of hung-up Victorians


reincarnated and are now trying

to reimpose their mass psychosis


on this time in the world...

well so much for thinking we learn


and grow from lifetime to lifetime

some do but the rest just bring


their old baggage and throw it

up on elegant new racks


but the same bullshit will be faced

and the same failure to amend and repent


will go begging for a hearing...

too bad I've gotten old


I'll love to rock again...but then...another

part of me is fine with just letting


sexy thoughts remind me


that some embers still glow....





Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

a day that goes well

should be appreciated on its own terms


it doesn't mean

you've turned a corner


it doesn't mean

'happily ever after'


will happy or ever after

it just means that for one day


hounds of hell are on the leash

and whatever neutrality


of the Source is truly neutral

and unforthcoming


in the best way possible...

the One took a day off from punishing us....






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

it isn't only me alone

torn by the processes

of creation and destruction


we share this fate

and if love gives us strength

to deny and defy


the madness of this reality

then let the Source save or damn as it will


we would...and do...forgive and release








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

our common course

is an uncommon twining of strands

that tug at each other

in the torque of pulling us up


it's so easy to die

and let extinction wipe out all posterity


but to survive and preserve and carry forth


now that is a measure of holiness








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

NO SPECIAL REASON

sadness this morning


no special reason


no grand existential angst


just the emptiness of being alive


lurking behind


all the hopes and plans


we make to avoid


feeling this sadness








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

not much to do

on a foggy Saturday morning


took my walk


looked as the wet cotton air


vague outlines of buildings

bleeding through the gauze


the world may elsewhere be going to hell


but right here


I'm not







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

if I knew my place

I'd stay in it


so you see how this

may be a bit


troublesome

for me


I can and I do

turn up everywhere








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

never expect

what you think you deserve…


you’ll overvalue yourself

every time….





Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I had such a beautiful morning

warm hazy sunshine


women of all ages hot and sexy

in their shorts and summer dresses


people ambling on their way

to the train in their Friday morning calm


feeling the unity I imagine

unity to be


and then stupidly I thought of God


and oh how the sun dimmed and a darkness

laid waste to peace


and oh how the joy soured in the mouth of a demon

so I did what I know is right and


stopped thinking about God and was the happier for it








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

everything’s going on but nothing is happening…try too hard and lose it…not try hard enough…and lose it…wait expectantly and be disappointed…turn your attention elsewhere and see it whizz by from the corner of your eye…or get it and either fuck it up yourself or be denied by your fate i.e. god’s vengeance? I admire you if you think you know what you’re doing…and despise you even more if you believe that you do…because everything’s going on but nothing is happening…and our efforts go down the same tube…whether we succeed or fail…now…what to make of that?







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

and so the daily earthly toil

sustains our spirits after all


gives us the strength

to rise in the morning


then fall exhausted at night


and what portals of the fantastic

open in our gathered sleep


to renew the field of our living

there the grief we give each other


hammers home the illumination

that the shoe pinches and the heart bleeds


but the fleeting instant of timelessness

renews what joys and peace empower


the next 5 pm homeward crawl....









Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

when action subsumes all thought


and you move freely through your truth


remember the others moving freely through theirs


the only thing dividing us


are the illusions we choose to believe


and they are as real as we believe them to be


remember others in their truth as you move in yours


it is the same truth






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

you need a guru...a guide?

well you can't do it alone


even with the onus on you...

but be pure with your guru


because he/she is also

striving the same as you to be


exactly where the eternal

here and now is....








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

count your blessings?

that's a false idea


if you lived in the instant

of the One's reality


then enlightenment

would make all blessings


and curses moot and show them as

the illusions they are






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

mercy on all who dream of love and forgiveness…so high is the One’s price….






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

in sorrow is weariness

in weariness is calm

in calm is peace

in peace is rest








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

deep night

rest is elusive

mind blank

as I watch

the waning

gibbous moon

rise over the roof

of the opposite building


no thought

of anything

but all memories

titivate under the skin


sorrow for loss

sorrow for waste





Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

LAMENT FOR WOODY

such is the world

that even Woody Guthrie

and his guitar that killed fascists


would were he still alive

lay down and say so long

it's been good to know ya


and die of knowing the bad guys

i.e. all of us won after all






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

IT'S THE HARD KNOCK YOU-KNOW-WHAT FOR US

well it's a work-a-day creation


we do our daily toil

when and how we can


and I'm looking for a sideline

that will do what


all this writing doesn't

i.e. pay some bills


and let me eat







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I woke up this morning

with new eyes

a new heart

a new mind


and a strange

melancholy

that was just

my old ways departing


oh I can't

be smug about this

unless I want old habits

to re-entrench


and after all the troublesome sleep

I want to stay awake








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

well...now the real test...

to walk it like I talk it...


something I and everyone else does

every moment of every day...


think not of any idea of 'god'...

it will only make your blood boil with hatred...


if the good you do comes back to you

then you need nothing else...least of all...'god'








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

"what gods protect you?"

"none...now!"


I'm on my own now...

now I'll see if this psycho bastard turd of a god


is as good as its word regarding forgiveness...

it wasn't going to stop until it destroyed me...


and now it has...and while I do as right as I humanly can...

let's see now what this turd does about it...


if I'm done for...then better to die than serve a demon....







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

cinco de mayo


feel free chicos and chicas?

free to clean our toilets?


free to bus the privileged tables

of young rich spoiled liars


who exploit you but celebrate you

for being downtrodden?


welcome to America

where your champions are good to you


as long as you get their cocktails to them

quickly....






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I have reached bottom


the good news is

if I smash bottom


I'll flood into

the level below


and endure in that way

when God the unrepentant unreasonable evil


THOU ART

does nothing but damn us


then what really what does life matter?


you just go on doing the right thing

even if this alleged "God"


has no use for it...God wants immediate obedience?

let "Him" whistle..."He" thought


He would browbeat us into submission?

what a psychopathic idiot!


you don't one free then expect to damn one

for acting accordingly...


but who cares?...our conduct is up to us...

let us do the right thing for the right thing's sake


if that's not good enough...well then "Lawd"


ain't that just too bad....





Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

maybe it's o.k.

that I didn't succeed

in my dreams


rather I had a real

productive life

serving others in


a certain world-class

library that I won't

mention the name of


because pompous assholes

took it over and are

running it into the ground


(see it as a .org brand of Dilbertism)

I probably did more right

in that capacity than my words


have done but what matters now?

good on some level wasn't denied

(probably because it was gained unconsciously)


and now anything that comes next

will never have the distinct flavor

of all the joy and grief I've entertained


this time around....





Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

my life wasn't 24/7 suffering

despite what my lack of talent

has portrayed all this time


many good memories

a lot of happy times


but I've just reached an age

where it's all in the past and it sucks

because damn it I'm not done yet






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I wander alone in a new world


I hate everything I see


instead of a brave new world and a shiny New Age


all I see are the old tyrannies


exalted by ignorant clowns

bound in their own motley self-disguises









Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

HENRY

the place seems so empty now

18 and a half years

(and almost a third of that time

suffering renal and thyroid problems)

but he was as sweet-tempered

as any cat I've ever lived with...

and stubborn!!!...strong-willed little beast...

it kept him alive I think...

his will and our love and caring...

blessing of blessings

he went quickly...and at home...

he rejoins his brother William

(my bud...whom I wrote of long ago...)

wherever cat energies endure and continue...

and a reminder to all of us who think we've the crown of creation...

megalomaniacal so like the psycho who created everything

but takes no blame...

just how much these animal spirits

are our superiors

in just about every way....

Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I'm content to it let all go


and to go with it

wherever and however

I'll ultimately end up







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

the aged move slowly

like a membrane of air


barely remembering its form

as it wafts








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

disappearing in myself

I see streaks of suns and stars

spinning as I plunge


but no


I'm the one spinning

inside myself

watching as I disappear


the steady twilight


the unmovable stones of earth








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

death by number

expiration dates looming


empty my jar

and clean out the fridge


someone else

has gone food shopping


someone else

who is hungry and not dying yet







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

nothing to force


it's all coming down by itself


nothing to do about it


but sit with a stormy heart


in the beautiful warm morning







Content (c) 2008-2015Philip Milito.

chilly night for the middle of Spring


the full moon has reappeared

from the other side of the roof


and continues its descent

in the western sky


what was I just thinking of...?

no matter...it's time to go to sleep


to awaken from dreams that will likewise be forgotten....





Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

memories have replaced me

here in this chair

watching the full moon rise until

it passes beyond sight over the roof


ask me who I am and I may answer you

in the Old French of Villon's time

or shake a beggar bowl at you

defying you to look me in the eye


from some marketplace in ancient Judea

ages before we met on Brighton Beach some years back


I could be anyone from anything

sitting here at the window

made of nothing but memories

that have replaced the missing moon






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

will you be happy without me

to make you feel good?


I should think fools

are a (pardon the cliche) dime a dozen


but each one is prized

like a special bauble


a half-forgotten token

of a meaningless triumph


it would take so little to make you feel good

that's why I can afford my disdain


me escaping with the loot

and you still in a swoon


over some long ago tactic

while I'm miles away looking out a train window







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

THE TWO-HANDED VENGEANCE

I will be an echo to your cry of distress


mocking you for abandoning me

to your vanity so I would suffer

the fate of a fool


a fool for love

a fool for love

that is what I will echo to your ear


when at last you are in distress






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

walking into my building

I heard from across the street


some saxophonist going through his scales


I yelled Coltrane!!!!!!...


there was a moment of silence

then he resumed his noodling


while I went into my building


as if I showed him something he wasn't already striving for....








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

I've ceased to care how I'll ultimately end up


if the One who demands I do right

punishes me for doing right


then just try telling me that

life isn't a sick joke at best


curse your god all you want

but you're only cursing yourself


you are still at war with the god of your imagination

that cartoon in your mind to whom you project


all your bitterness and self-hatred

but the Real Deal is equally unmercifully neutral


leaving on our constant and weak evolution

damages that wreck all the progress


that would teach us otherwise

oh the One is the One and nothing remedies that


and this sick painful way is how we go

and how we learn hoping not to lose the lesson


if all the good I do doesn't matter

then it doesn't matter what I do


it's on us and that alone should wake us from our thousand years slumber






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

GET ME...YOU UNHOLY HYPOCRITES?

psycho scumbags rule the universe

they take their cue from a higher source


but those of us who go against god

by staying humble and helping each other


do right and suffer for it

much as I love being alive


I'd rather die than serve power mad evil

no matter who exhibits this unforgivable trait









Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

GO AHEAD AND KILL ME LORD...BUT YOUR PERFECTION LEAVES MUSH TO BE DESIRED

yes

I admit it freely at last


I love life

I love being alive


but in the name of all that's

allegedly holy


is this what forever is?

incarnation after incarnation


in pig shit worlds

where we kill each other


because we cannot kill God?

and our own self-hatreds never end?


asking yet again where the mercy forgiveness and grace

while all consequence drags us down our black holes?







Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

OOPS...A CORRECTION...THERE ARE NO GOODBYES

life is active and ongoing

and will lead to whatever end

we will merit by the fulfillments

of the One's command to rejoin The Harmony


when I talk of endings

I'm just this earthly Philip Milito identity

while the Entity that is my Real Higher Self Me

in Its True Actuality


presses on sadly enduring the ignorance of each incarnation

the Source has the Final Word on Everything we do

we make our choice in the instant of action

and leave the rest to its Ultimate Outcome


what a total drag to be in the flesh

what a prison is life surrounded by those who've yet to find out for themselves






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

GOODBYE UNLESS NOTHING IS AS I'M SAYING IT IS HERE

don't know when anything I can still do

in this world can resume


don't know if there's anything left to do

or if it will even matter whether it gets done


I'm empty I'm done

but a divine judge still gouges some price out of me


and I'll either find out the reason for this misery

or there'll be nothing and that will be that


whatever awaits me on the other side of death

I'm ready to find out


I'm ready to go








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

broke

no money left

and while those fortunate enough

to have work celebrate

this May Day


some of us here

don't quite get the resonance


even those who have just enough

will find it gone soon enough


of course there will always be a May Day

and of course there will always be those destitute


even Jesus said 'the poor will always be with you'

speaking for the Father


who spoke of the wicked prospering

and the good suffering


broke


no spirit left


and ever at the mercy of

the heartless self-satisfied








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

escape is not an option

and righteousness is destruction


quiet the voice in your head

and you'll clearly hear


nothing you can use

but you will be liable


whether you do something or nothing

what is is and nothing changes that








Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

reality as is

is harder than any soul can bear


so don't try to engage it

it is an illness


that only madness could cure

and even then


madness is just the minus side of any

risk/benefit equation









Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.

it doesn't look good for the hero


he's taken for granted by his admirers

who somehow are never around

while he's up to his chin in quicksand

(being a Type-A can-do jackass

he never learned to float)

trying to save an ungrateful victim

of some enemies who's breaking his balls

as if they were married


well he asked for it

and they all gave it to him


every hero is disposable

when everyone thinks of himself

as a hero

while being foe to each other


thanks

try saving yourself next time


that'll be comeuppance






Content (c) 2008-2015 Philip Milito.