phil milito day blog: January 2012

Monday, January 30, 2012

THE ENTITY GIVES IN

what I have found I give away

there is no love I have today

but only the tired acceptance of pain

that is totally the world's domain

I love being alive

I love having consciousness

but how can one love the world

without the strength of a lion?

how can one love the love

when one is old and totally played

and one's time is past

and one has had one's day?

you are tired

you are true

but in a world without mercy

you are surely through

how much I loved the things I've loved

but I'd give nothing to do them again

I possess them in my very soul

those days are with me and will never go...

if Life is continuous and the quest goes on

and all the past has been accounted for

up to this very instant

then to renew my quest

I must go deeper

and start from there

the clean slate requiring many wipes

what ensues

I'll wait patient to discover

I'm in no rush

there's no hurry to the always now

all hopes flourish in the absence of certainty

so we fill our time with the very notions

that hinder our quests

because grace is not so openly and insistently manifest

as we were lead to believe it is

and though hope be false and our knowledge a travesty

of truth yet are we not to desist

yet are we to persevere in the absence of all certainty

Ava

bored soulmate in the back seat of the limo

and little too 'too' in your ennui

you also cannot stand engagements set in some unspecific future

you also could spend weeks alone in your room

tired of all who would keep you in some confining relationships

when all you want or need is your freedom to be

if I were the man I used to be

I'd've taken you aside for a night of exquisite pleasure

and deep ruminations on the nature of shit in the world

but being old and beyond that I smile to think

in another life we may meet and compare notes

and I'd have the chance to love you

and know you would always come back to me

because I would set no chains on you...

the relativity of truth

will ever divide us in the earth

what one man treasures another will spurn

and the sad facts will show

how one could have come to clean resolution

had one not participated in the tangle of facts

that uphold the laws

that make a whore of justice

if you want support for your hatreds

then by all means slander the truth

with the cold idiot facts of worldly functions

even then you'll find a reason to grouse and complain

that's what you get for facing the facts

that's what you get for denying your truth...

never trust the facts

facts often have little to do with truth

(let's let go of the reality

of the relativity of truth for the moment...)

facts could condemn you because

they are only results and never give

an indication of the truth from which they spring

i.e. the circumstantial evidence

the easy need of the world to find a head that must roll

for their sense of justice (read: vengeance)

never trust facts

even if they support your case

because facts can be manipulated

and truth is ever inscrutable and incomprehensible

and therefore hated

because it will not cooperate with the scheming ignorance

of human mendacity and hunger for retribution

if you try to walk in truth

(even if you fail in trying to walk in truth)

beware of the facts

they have little to do with truth

as your reliance on them will show you ruefully...

Friday, January 27, 2012

a storm abating as it moves offshore

and the emerging sun lighting the rainbow spray

in the sky above the shoreline

the battered heart beats more easily

the shredded nerves lie in their grooves

the wearied mind is vacant as its pain fades slowly

and all peace is a phase change between surges of process

always back to the beach in the stillness

pulled to the sand's edge like the tug of the tide

as it settles in for its short spell of stasis

always the ending that begins again all momentum

as we're called back to where we started

the new storm forming quietly in the churning water

the next rest fortified in this one...this dappled singular one...

Thursday, January 26, 2012

it has all led up to this instant

the history of creation reaches this apotheosis

but it is not the end

it is never the end

until the Ineffable itself calls it so

we continue

like it or not

and if we have not awaken by then...well...

let it be so

that we have

awakened...

I join you in Jehosophat

awaiting a terrible unforgiving judgement

I don't know how you feel

but for me

I've awaited this my whole life

a terrible deliverance

an awful reckoning where we see our own faces clearly for once

we throng that valley

and know nothing but its horror

until what Light shines

and what awful morning dawns for humanity and creation itself

a gleaming eternal sun

glittering off the surface

of that lop-sided crown of being

called Man...

the world is ripped apart

in history's current change of phase

mistaken or deluded as you may be

follow that idea

it is truly all you have...

good-bye to the preacher

the stiff-necked judge

who decides on behalf of his own denials

and refusals

what is fair or foul

his vanity sets him up for a dangerous fall

and he will learn it well

upon impact with the ground....

do I face Paradise with a clean slate?

is any slate truly clean?

there is so much we must pay for

and our deluded self-satisfaction

is a huge part of what damns us

be content in your illusion

you have really nothing else to go on

and only a Greater will judge whether your intention was pure....

fuck you Andrea

for having numerous affairs

for giving it away like spoiled meat

(even to having a threesome with two brothers)

it is hard to forgive

when the hunger calls the shots

fuck you Andrea

for not fucking me...

to all who've hurt me I say

do not count on my forgiveness

I am trying to save myself

knowing that if I do

I can save you too...

I feel a change enter my soul

other ways to express the horror

give way to the horror itself

no one escapes

no one is exempt

you are damn well are going to get

with the process

and follow it through to its resolution

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

this is all it comes to...

this is all that's left...

a few angry words of self-defeat

while the processes of the Universe grind on

and drag us into every Black Hole

and what wormhole that may or may not be

will lead us to the next calamity....

this is all it comes to...

people don't like it when I speak of God

well too bad

the Mystery that animates all creation

will have the last word

and if a verbal convention such as the word 'God'

could put you off the quest of your soul

then really what could you expect of your failure to understand

except to fail?

your idea of love

is the vanity of your imperiousness

so what if you're still at heart and soul

the little girl craving love and affection?

you've become the Queen

you attempt to dominate and control all who try

to love you

how sad and common after all

to be all you denied you were

as if you could pull the wool

over eyes that were not looking for you

ears that had no comprehension of your pathetic cries

oh sister of all last desperate choices

what the hell did you think would happen

while you excluded all that could save you?

shameless

incorrigible

you praise the New Age

but will bring your shit from the age gone past

you will gussy up your eternal hungers

and try to make them serviceable

in the name of the next tyranny

presuming to speak for God

do you think righteousness

or loyalty or fidelity will be vouchsafed

in the future world of our diminished aspirations?

mark me

all that will go are the manifestations of a lost time and space

in the new dispensation the eternal sins of pride will still face

tempering

will still be the undoing of the willful and frightened...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

trudging through the ruining world

an empty sky above our heads

mocks every intention of ours

with our own insight and expectation

all who've gone before us are fortunate not to have seen

their earthly achievements gathered in the dust

their imagined immortality ephemeral as a thought

and at last our ruining bodies failing and decaying

and joining those rising masses of dust

kicked up by the unceasing wind

and whatever force spent in us and released

in that decay taken far also by that wind

or so our last and only comfort can endure

may it be free flight above the perpetual dust of earth...

the Word of God

is a wind that lays waste to everything

why create the worlds in the first place

if He will bid us transcend

then block us with our every move?

now you all know why

I hate the world and would see it perish

without a tear from my eye...

death to animal abusers!

one Jake Burris

manager of Democrat Ken Aden's bid

for Arkansas"s 3rd congressional district against

Republican Steve Womack

came home to find his pet Siamese cat dead on his doorstep

its head bashed in

and the word LIBERAL spray-painted on its side

I HATE these fuckin' reactionary goons

I HATE these false patriots wrapping themselves

in their 'God and Country' bullshit

and trying to repeal the last three centuries

of human progress hiding behind false religions

and invoking God as sanction for their bigotry and

their hatred

did I say death to animal abusers?

I want MORE

I want to see them tortured 10 times worse

than they've given

(and if God wants to punish me with the same for

wishing it on them let Him

screw God for allowing all this evil

in the name of His Grand Design!)

let Jesus forgive these miscreants

I cannot

I want to BE THERE when they die

and their souls ask 'did we not cast out demons

in Your Name?' and God the Merciless

will flip them off and say "I know ye NOT!!!!"

my hatred of humanity will never be cured

as long as I'm here in this world

here squarely

in the middle of Hell....

how many 'new beginnings'

(an appropriate redundancy)

must we endure?

how many endings and how many times

saying 'good-bye good-bye-good-bye'?

we know the drill by now

the world is renewed in every instant

of what we call time

and that's why what's to come has already been...

Monday, January 23, 2012

o.k. Porky let 'er rip

we're on our way outta here

does it matter where

as long as it's not here?

today I feel all holy and talk it like that

tomorrow I'll probably be back to being

a beaten confused imbecile like those I despise

oh I also have a long way to go...

those who praise the earth are deluded snobs

those who praise the heavens are deluded snobs

you pretend to wisdom you do not possess

and so are part of the common gathering

because you cannot understand what is infinitely

beyond you and of which you are a merest part

but a merest part infinitely beyond your imagining

nothing I'm saying here in this blog

is earth-shaking or some new discovery

what has been has always been

and each of us faces that in our time

pain is an illusion

happiness is an illusion

being is an illusion

reality is an illusion

anything we can imagine

is an illusion

so live the Eternal Present as it flies

or enter contemplation to prolong the Eternal

but as long as you are in your skin

you will return to your skin

and be released only when

your skin fails and passes back into the not-being of the One

another fork in the road

and again our misbegotten choices

down into the depths

or up into the heights

and the way is the same

and each reality

some fulfillment of

some Grand Design

I'm never quite sure

if anyone can heard me

but then

no harm no foul

for the small minority

with working forebrains

this time of extremism

and incorrigible ignorance

is a hell on earth

tease of any idea of heaven

Sunday, January 22, 2012

think how happy you would have been

if you didn't know what you had lost

but knowing that unfortunately

is the one gladness for you

rankling under the petty

who rule weaklings with money

I've never been impressed with their greediness

their power-madness or their self-importance

from overgrown frat boys and their party girl wives

hiring cars to be driven from bar to bar

to show off how well they're doing in the world

of plunder disloyalty and and no conscience

to high powered lawyers spending thousands

on dating services and asking their "friends"

if he could go with this one or that one

I swear it's almost enough to make you spare them

their slaughter...

almost

Friday, January 20, 2012

aren't you sorry now

you were so hot to find things out?

I can't imaging what you were expecting

but you were wrong

you were wrong

and now even your sorrow is part

of the whole sad story...

life will play out as it will

nothing you say or pray for matters

you will suffer for your mistakes still

and your advisors will be mad as hatters

trust in no one but yourself

even God is a phony story

trust instead the actual God manifest among

His galaxies and His quarks

trust the living reality you find yourself in...

believe it or not it still must be told

I shouldn't complain

it's all my fault for trusting others

up to and including God His/Her/Itself

everybody loves me

as long as I'm bent over

they play you cheap when they know

you're about doing it the right way

"oh he's such a great guy"

"yeah a real standup guy"

but open your mouth

in some judicial situation

then turn to see how no one is there

to support you

or to cop to the truth

everybody loves me

as long as my asshole's stretched wide

and if I doing for God

to "keep things as they are for God's sake"

well then you know

God will love me too...

the more you curse the heavens above

the more you bless the earthbound demons

don't give them the satisfaction of caving

or of being as small as they are

by acting like them in a noble disguise

it's only something that will make you

curse all the more...

hearts will turn and cry

blood running down from its wound

but will keep on beating despite the hurt

just to spite the pettiness of enmity

with its largest dose of humility...

Thursday, January 19, 2012

what doesn't kill you

makes you wonder

nobody speaks to me anymore

I don't know

whether to be insulted

or relieved

you think you know what you don't know

I think you don't know I know you don't know

you think I think you don't know I know you don't know

but I know you think I think I don't know

you think I have time for this

I think you don't know you're wasting my time

at least we're clear on this I think

you know?

a heart that doesn't break every now and then

isn't a heart

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

tiny raindrops

on the bare twilit branches

of the dark afternoon

only this moment

until this moment passes

and the scene stays in Eternity

and in memory our active ongoing share of 'forever'...

to every dreamer who ruined himself

on some erroneous ideal of transcending

the mundane with fasting and a prayer

know that you only get where you're going

through living out your time

in the very skin you disdain

sit calm down

know that you live in eternity and have another piece of pie...

in America

Jesus runs for president

every four years

and when he doesn't get elected

his followers run wild

lynching burning murdering in mobs

if I were Jesus I'd despair of all the wasted blood

but then my burden would be the heavier

having at some point to tell these murderous believers

"I know ye not"

as above so below

politics is dirty on high

and down here

all churches will fall

in the True Presence

nor will He know you

or the demons you cast out

all that deluded work

for absolutely nothing

but that you may be

an example to all men...

well now you know the whole story

but do you?

I told it to you and even I don't know

if it's the whole story...or even true...

but we pass the fragments on

and add the spin of our imaginations

to each retelling of the tale

and that is how

a great many lies make up

the truth of this world

that is how we unlearn all that came

before us and begin to ravel a new garment

and that is what we wear in our time and place

until we pass and the next crew brings its mode to the fore...

I am a mere ghost of what I used to be

it's still me but a used part

now latent in my physical body's history

I used to be that

and now I am this

a mere ghost of what I used to be

oh what will it matter

to those with no ears to hear?

my vanity claims my scalp

I thought we'd be forgiven

I thought there was a Heaven as such

oh what will it matter

to those who wake up to this hard reality

of such is such and no such thing....?

I am ashamed of nothing

all I've done I did with purest intent

who's fault is it if the unloving god of creation

has no grace or forgiveness or mercy in Him?

let Him punish and punish unmercifully

He of whom every religion supports a lie

I am ashamed of nothing

all I've done I did with purest intent

farts report down a canyon of passage

echoing the progress of one distinct soul

the aroma particular

an identifer

we leave our track in time and space

whether or not we want to...

Monday, January 16, 2012

oh did you really think the world would be transformed

because you awoke to some facts at last?

only you are transformed

you're awake now

probably in the world of which you've despaired

but how about putting some faith in your personal change?

how about daring to be yourself for the first time in your life?

some days the light shines brightly on the path

and the way forward seems a fait accompli

other days the path is dark black and rainy

and there is no way forward that can be seen

to hell with those who talk about positive thinking

I get up and go as I must

and as far as the path being all brightly lit and forward drawing

I'm afraid this dark day isn't one of those (as if it mattered...)

tit tit tit

snix snix

a badger-like creature greets me brightly

and with malice in those beady eyes

snix snix yourself you filthy rodent (or are you?)

have a rim of toast

break your teeth on this walnut

or maybe you'd like a softish Brazil nut?

take it and go you rabies-ridden little freak

you have nothing to teach me but anxiety

tit tit you little bastard

snix snix you little fool

oh my God you lazy loafs

dare to hit one of the links on the side here

and see what's come before?

are you kidding me?

"Send me the link"

have you all gotten so spoiled and lazy

you can't even seek out anything yourselves?

oh God let me prepare for the obscurity of history

every step I take

I must say "excuse me"

who but God knows who's there

or not for me to display courtesy to...?

the past is right here

instilled in these still-standing walls

this house built before any of us were born

and stands as we walk through

the shades of previous lives

who lived in these apartments

saundering in their places

if you stopped to think of it

you'd never bathe or take a shit again

so full of self-consciousness

but I tell you

what the hell do you think they did?

do you think no one before your birth

ever had external organs or an asshole?

get out of whatever parthenon they shove down your throat

at church or at school

and if you want to go exploring

just sit still and try to imagine

all the things in the history of the world

happened on the very spot

on which you're standing...

tell me that isn't enough of a mind-blower for you...

who will forgive you

if not yourself?

that must come first

before others will follow

no one will forgive

unless you do

are you strong enough now?

are you sure you can take responsibility and do it?

I'm being chased by myself

I cannot let me rest

I cannot give me a break

I am the evil twin the second shadow

the "persecutor within"

who'll let nothing go

God damn being human

God damn the simplest joys being

a metaphysical thumbs-down

I could go on chasing myself

and still would nothing be transformed

still would all be the hell that it is

bite me!

you're all a bunch of pains in the ass

and all I want to do

is pass from the mangy come-to-nothing

daily life we live

and take a walk in Eternity

if I can do without you shitheads

clinging to my ankles as I try to walk....

what are you going to do now?

does it really matter?

all fates are common

and all of us throng toward

that open boneyard

yes that's where we are going...

so she proved me right after all

I said "Italian women make the best friends

the best lovers

and the worst enemies"

and she got all indignant

and disagreed with me

with the simple-mindedness of a privileged

and anointed princess courted

by the wastrels and various other losers

and displayed each of those qualities

she denied were true

sad Paola what will you do when Reality upturns

your world?

ah you will probably hand on your feet

God seems to have a soft spot for mala feminina

even if to save them for a worse fate

such as a comfortable end of life in the world

and after passing over

the sucker punch of judgment

I wish you nothing untoward

that is one fate we all share....

how I hate having to dance

to every tune called

by people I'd never respect

even if a paradise were denied me

for not doing so

the Lord wants us to avoid such evil

and acquiesce if there is no escape

to transcend and leave this horror

you must be a carpet for lesser to walk upon

and how hard to remember that

how hard to put pride aside and say

fuck it

because secretly we know what that

will gain us...

somewhere in the world

someone is drunk and disorderly

which is all well and good

for his own search for some pie-eyed illumination

the problem is our Oneness

when he goes off the rails

we get taken down as well

the determined dragging us onward

the slackers holding us back

no wonder we've wasted millions of years here

where the results are chaotic

and our beliefs mere nervous retreats from the True Fire...

Sunday, January 15, 2012

you know it wasn't a bad thing to let you go

oh the stupid shallow hugs and kisses

had worn thin by the end of the first month

and all your correspondence demanded

was tributes and declarations

how tiresome to re-assemble

your broken English with every try

to go deeper

be more real

and get incomprehensible cloying chatter

causing a drawing in my head

like pus in an infected wound

no I didn't waste too much time on you

but to have wasted any time on you

is a shame on me and such an attitude could only be

an insult to you

good

it's about time you learned the insincerity

of men and their lusts

such as your numerous suitors

idle sons of privilege with plenty of time

to play your games with you

while they loaf on a family fortune

for me it was different

it was enjoying the surface play

of scent and possibility

while knowing its falsity from experience

(how age protects some of us from our folly)

but still I had better things to do

age and experience also make one weary

a life of travails to the bitter end and for what?

to be grateful to die finally?

no it wasn't a bad thing letting you go

someday if you live long enough to be a hag

you won't remember a thing about me

except my absence as you wonder

"now who was that?"

no not a bad thing at all...

the new world will be a visual one

if only because thought and reasoning will be lost

to those who'll think that's a good thing...

but my sympathies will be the blind

hapless enough to be born into

this mindless world of illuminated automata

and the destructive illusion that will imagine

this tyranny as a "Golden Age"--oh we're still not there yet....

I feel weak

before my own dissolving

back into the elements from which I arose

weakness is a strength

for facing the end of a process

my memories are my glory

the content of my being

and I adore every moment every illumination

every joy every come

even every disillusionment

the light on certain eternal afternoons

are encoded on my consciousness

and while there is much of which I'd repent

I wouldn't have missed those permanent moments

for anything...for anything...

you preening thundering geese

I track after you

mindful of sidestepping your rubbery green turds

as you carpet-bomb the great park lawn

you peck and hiss

territorial as warlords

and in defense of egregious nonsense

upheld by your canon of custom

baked goose on a spit

in some anti-academic club

held in a socialist restaurant

goodness...just like in the old days....

nature will never be denied

you spit as we approach your young

and puff up in challenge as we back away

or we come back later after dark

your heads nestled under your wings

and slaughter you and your goslings

or God knows even we supplant you with the blatts

of our trumpeting bills a new order of fowl

nature will never be denied

our own complacency in the order of things

guarantees it...

I ran after a rolling ball

rolling down some street

but it got to the sewer inlet

before I could get to it

there it goes

to surface in the bay somewhere

while my efforts on some invisible ledger

are tallied and applied somewhere

whether it be true or not

it's a comfort to our limited heart....

no one will let me in

no one will let me out

I strive for things long and hard

and they're taken from me as I'm about to attain them

what a bastard I must've been in the past

to suffer unceasingly in this way

to know that all the good I can do

is undone by all I've done badly

how sorry I am

and how sorry to learn

sorry is not and will never be

enough

not with every whit of the price and sorry

is not enough

a chest cold that won't break up

and 16 degrees outside the window

my yearly January illness

pinning me to the bottom of health

like a long hem dragged through mud

and how art thou this glittering winter day?

I spar with the best minds on the talkback

meaning

I waste my time dribbling over the inanity of idiots

as we reveal one part of the true Situation

and believe we are part on a vast conversation

fools echo each other in a diminishing echo

a diminishing echo disappears down an ear

and like an insect buzzing drives us to our Apples

(does that require a TM mark? please don't sue me if it does....

haw!!!)

the best minds...none of ours are any too good...

but now I'm rambling

I've lost the thought I started with...

good...I've spared myself more anger

and the world more noise

Saturday, January 14, 2012

life's a lesson I'm loathe to learn

because I have some unreasonable degree of hope

and I don't know why

given what I know of the earth

it is not ours to give up

it is not ours to speculate

it is ours to trudge on to whatever happens

and the lack of mortal certainty does not sustain me

never before have I seen the things of this world

with such clarity and

never before have I felt so unequal to participate

in all that is here for our edification

or our purification should we choose the fiery bath

of renewal or the dark ashes of our comfortable graves

since I'm so loathe to accept my punishment

and my penance then should I lay like Lazarus

prepare a bit for what must be undergone

and what meditation will reveal of its meaning

afterward since we are called on to try by ourselves

though we know little or nothing but the divine demands

but our own imperfect exegesis except I feel no lack

in not knowing or that I'd prefer the rack at all

life's a lesson to learn in time and it's only now that time...

did I fool you?

I didn't mean to...

it just that once I fibbed

the tall tale took on

a life of its own

and suddenly I was

what I pretended to be

and called on to declare and defend

as if I were going

for my doctorate

except I has no expertise in the matter

I was a kibbitzing clown

who didn't know his voice was heard

and now would be called on to testify

did I fool you?

I'm sorry

I'd beg for forgiveness

but that's really your call isn't it?

didn't mean to put you in such a spot...

I'm eating an apple as I type this

a big juicy Golden Delicious

and I don't give a God Damn who knows it

or tweets it or follows it or has one themselves

centuries from now

they'll make outrageous speculations about us

based on the works that have endured in ruin

just as we've done to the those of the past

we can only imagine

except that the same sun shone on the same dirt

and the same water and the same kind of creature

that speculates so wildly at this moment of time

but if you have any wit then you know I don't give a damn

I'm eating a big juicy Golden Delicious apple

and to hell with the whole issue...

bedeviled and unbelieving

I saw you walking toward me

down Thompson Street

I thought you were dead

often I'd wished you were

all the grief you caused

so causally

and now here you are

surviving and self-possessed

as ever

I knew by the way you averted your eyes

thus allowing me the luxery

of giving you a close inspection

hair grayer less shape than before

almost enough to make me wonder

what I had originally seen in you

you looked away

so at least you remember bitch

at least you remember...

if I believe my eyes I doubt my mind

which do I trust?

ask a materialist

ask an idealist

I get answers

I have no idea

which do I trust?

them or me or...?

Friday, January 13, 2012

I've waited for only the word

the hint the merest whisper of the breeze

and when I heard it

I couldn't understand it

so instead

I waited for the silence

every time I take flight

I collide with the incoming

I wished to avoid

every time

I'm in a hurry

and some slowass

just gets ahead of me on line

some little fib

I told to deflect a trouble

brings more troubles

when it's revealed

I put my heart in my hands

and end up dropping it from distraction

I take cover

and the ceiling caves

the elevator's always at the top floor

while my arms are breaking

with groceries on the ground

and I think...

what was it that was supposed to be

so ennobling

about being a human in the earth?

I draw a blank

awaiting further shenanigans...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

the old folk songs are right at every turn

"you gotta walk that lonesome valley

and you gotta walk it by yourself"

that may be true

but it goes for everyone

as we pass each other on our ways

to God knows where

or how or why...

I will forgive

not just to be forgiven

but because it is the true humility

because it is the final proof

of pride's failure

and consequence's lack of forgiveness

and the soul's realization that while it may forgive

it can blame others for not doing so...

I feel a strange heat on me

too low to be a menace to the female

but too high to cause complacency in myself

aging truly blows

my Spirit is ever 24

my Soul likewise

but the flesh no longer cooperates

autumn heat in the dead of a warm winter....

another day another 50 cents

oh it's gone up you say

no it's just a stricter budget

"be not too hard for life is short

and nothing is given to Man"

how would you like your nuts roasted...?

salted or plain?

shelled or entire

in their hard little cocoon?

(choice--we think we have a choice)

Plain for me thank you...

like Jarry

I have surpassed my living

and would have to die in order

to tell you more...

Ubu Roi

you were a Master

you are a Master

you are the guardian angel

of W.C. Fields

and you endure wherever

pomp and circumcision

define a dying civilization

in the last throes of its ecstasies...

no pretending now--

you're going to have to walk it like you talk it--

or be left behind

mute and still

on the roadside to where

you were not going...

Content 2008-2012 Philip Milito.

Monday, January 9, 2012

long days of change undetectable

until it finally springs up

and overturns every expectation

how long on the earth this has happened

from the very beginning

we walk upon the billions of years old dirt

watch our doings squiggle like the snaking glow

on a fresh pile of ash

to vanish in an instant on a last consumed tip

and all the things we build and destroy

hoist up and tear down

only amounting to a changing shadow

on the face of some remote consciousness

not so much here

as everywhere at once

and so it seems after all the upsetting change

it seems nothing has changed at all

because the Essence is undisturbed

and the merest manifestations shifting

within the binds of its molecules

and so long nights of rest remain

just as they are

settling into its brief form

its combinations of elements

unstable by nature

and confirms every suspicion

one could have of the glittering

wheeling processes we call stars

in the sweet limited dream of our being

ourselves an unknowable process

under the only sky we know in this world...

my heart leads me from one adventure

to another

and none of them are worth the telling

how special we all want to be

how above it all

and how sad to know

we are all special

as is

silly little Italian princess

where will you be

when your gallery

of old time stars

closes down

and you are left

with your silly shallow suitors?

thank God you're no concern of mine

any longer....

don't eat

don't drink

don't piss

don't shit

don't loaf

don't think

don't snore

don't fuck

in short according to these experts

don't live

oh foolishness and wisdom go hand in hand

the beginning and end of a process

and only our Higher Selves would know why....

Content 2008-2012 Philip Milito.

I'd be ashamed to demand Hosannas

in praise of a bad idea and a botched execution

but then

I'm not God...

oh my poor baby died of an infection

received from stubbing his toe on a rock in the grass

I demand satisfaction

I demand an eternal memorial

I demand a law against

all microbes rocks and grass

I demand an accounting from the world

good Lord

what sad monkeys herald the New Age

as privilege thinks it can order the universe

this is why I want to be in the country

with a sane commune

who lives with Reality in its usual tenuous situations

when the grid of Priviege goes down

and the well-heeled over-educated elite

have no servants to clean up their messes for them

when their Smart Phones won't work

and they're left to their own under-developed devices

God help us

a New Age may be on the way

but oh what hell until then...

Sunday, January 8, 2012

a violence has affirmed an intense love

a friend can turn foe

and lovers hate

and they will blame each other

for each betrayal

but this clawing at the eyes

this stinging rebuke of all that was a first intent

will unleash yearning as a hungry dog

hunting down its morsel

and so will it do

violence to what it loves

what it needs

Friday, January 6, 2012

words will die one day

and only the Reality they describe

will remain

unmediated by the separation of sound and thought

that words entail

and the experience of the moment

pure and instantaneous

will be all

and all will be beyond what is

I am merely the ground upon which the One walks...

to those who care about such things...

Happy New Everything!!!

limited is my time

(it has always been so)

but now the limitless awareness

sustains even my faux melancholy

and I'm as bemused as the seeker

who finds what he has never lost...

I used to love getting high in the morning

and walking the day in my ordinary trance

now that I'm old I get up in the morning

and need nothing but my own bedizened drowsiness

to get the same effect...

Life truly does provide...

do you like being a fool?

then praise yourself inordinately

it's so much easier than confronting

the wise and realizing they're no better than you

except that they know it...

oh the vanity of it all...

I think I'll wait outside the Temple

and mock the Righteous

on all levels

do we call down the heaven's wrath on our foes...

on ourselves...

wifey

I may disappoint you at times

but

I plead ignorance and fear

and an unreasonable aspiration

to get it right with you

even though Life Itself makes it

a losing proposition

the only way to 'win' as it were

is to stay in it

and let the eternal moments

beyond the stranglehold of Time

seep in and unhand

the choke-hold of our earthly sojourn

there it is wifey

our time together

an Infinity in itself

and our love

the wholeness of our beings...

you were every woman I've loved

rolled into one package of beauty

just by being alive in this time

we will grow old together...

do not despair that

the world is old and gray

through the ash of decay

sprout the first shoots

of the next world

do not despair

you will be there...

no I am not bitter

just wise with unappreciated wisdom

the vanity of the old...

to think there are any chances left

well...there are...but they have

nothing any longer to do

with the world

sweet thing you gave me

enough power

to choke a chicken

you've served your purpose well...

a love based on Facebook apps

and declarations of forever...

I take heart

the new world will resemble the old one

on the most basic level

the foolish emotions of the young

and the amusement of the mature

will endure

as the power-madness of men

and the vanity of women

will compliment each other

until the true end of the world...

Thursday, January 5, 2012

dear young thing--

a friend is not always a friend

a lover not always a lover

an enemy not always an enemy

but I am tickled by your comfortable innocence--

when you mature you'll know better

and by that time I won't be alive

to enjoy that conversation

Content 2008-2012 Philip Milito.

your lies will bite you on the ass

just wait

all you put over on the loved ones who trusted you

will come back to haunt you

and you'll have no excuse but your self-serving self-concern

you gave crumbs for the loaves of bread you expected

and now you can be sure moldy crusts are all

you'll get for your love...your meager frightened love...

it's lonely for all of us

though we walk together through the Shadow...

I will disappear into the Valleys of the Pilgrimage

I will face the torments Bunyon outlined in his Progress

when I get to the Valley of Humiliation I hope I am strong enough

to find not the thorns Christian found

but a valley sweet and perfumed

as Christina found it

the womanly part of the soul

the Lord wishes us to assume...

another day for which I cannot account

after a brief period of peace

all hell breaks loose again

so it is now and shall be forever

the terms of this world

a pig-fucker's paradise

of excuse

and expected absolution

well you should bank on nothing

to get what you will receive

let it come easily

and then make of it what you will...

my love includes you dear

it's just so big

that others fall in also

especially those dark beauties

old or young

who spin a web of desire

like a black hole

so impossible to escape...

there I told you so

nothing old

nothing new

just the same transfigured some

and where you go

there's nothing told

it's the the same few

not surprised at what's to come

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

the daily diatribe

sounds hollow now

assailing the unchanging state of what is

when each heart celebrates its joys

or sorrows over its losses

the wisdom comes in a resonant silence

thickening in the hearing

so the lonely Jeremiahs

climb off their mound of shit

and go sit and mutter in a bar

with a jukebox of oldies

roaring in the back

and where a sign over the men's room door

reads

"To be seen... Stand Up!

To be heard...Shout!

To be appreciated...SHUT UP!"

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

the world anchors us

until we are ready to voyage

beyond the shores of our making

to the open infinite ethereal seas

we already know these endless vasts

from vertiginous dreams and exhausted eyes

sounding the night like a doctor's stethoscope

examining the specimen of sky under which we thrive

so let release come when it will

we are already there on our last shore

waiting for the anytime that will deliver us

to our satisfaction and our next aspirations...

jokers always think themselves wise

as some of the wise stumble in faux humility

I've heard tell some of the Apostles had to reincarnate

into less exalted lives to atone for aspects of Pride

that couldn't help but form from contact with such

utterly transcendent power as the stuff the Christ the Avatar

the whatever inadequate human word we have for this Savior One

so at least be wise enough not to joke

(it will be on you after all) and paradoxically then you may

see the humor in it...

I may not have a mental illness

but when I look in the mirror and see

everyone I've ever been staring back at once

I can be fairly certain I've transcended something

there--an idiot take on metaphysics

to placate an idiot

(by the way

etymologically speaking an idiot is an unschooled person

one who is demeaned for not getting with the program or for being

as we would call one today an auto-didact

as if their lone learnings could stand against the seasoned traditions

of the great Empire

one would expect such from so public a polity and so social

a milieu as ancient Rome

the civic shit heads)

so their imagined smugness is just that

an idiot's justification

but multiplied by a vast number of citizens

an idiot's announcement from all of me to most of you

for those with no ears to hear...or not hear...if you will...

that's enough idiocy for today...

letting go of ghosts is hard

they will not let go

they will be a road of hot tar

for you in your boots to trudge through

have strong legs

is my wish for you

to have a day without bullshit must mean

you've died and are safe in Heaven...

a new year in the same old world

comforting in a way

what Great Change is imminent

will come slowly and subtly

and make itself known in the pitch of some battle

some confrontation of ideals

which ones will grow and which ones will need to go

and we'll only know if we were ready or not after the fact...

Monday, January 2, 2012

people make such a fuss over New Year's

and maybe there's some good in that mass ritual

for what is really just another day in a series

and if there is some good in it

my own hope is to put the past to rest

to leave it in its place in my soul's biography

and to let it have as little bearing as possible

in my way forward

a fool's errand only if you're a fool

a wise man's assurance if he truly be wise

as ever it's on each of us

and if we wreck half of all we love to achieve that place

well so be it

we have assurances from the highest sources

that all will be well

and all manner of thing

will be well

phil milito day blog

Monday, January 30, 2012

THE ENTITY GIVES IN

Friday, January 27, 2012

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Monday, January 23, 2012

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Friday, January 20, 2012

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Monday, January 16, 2012

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Friday, January 13, 2012

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Friday, January 6, 2012

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Monday, January 2, 2012

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