it's the inexorable "vengeance"
we call "justice"--
the unyielding unmerciful punishment
that counts--
but even "good" will come out of this enlightenment--
once you've disabused yourself of childish notions
of a "Just Loving Creator"--
you'll be free of the guilts and sicknesses
that the mental illness of "religion"
will implant in your psyche--
you'll be spared your self-hatred
projected as blasphemy as some idiotic notion of "God"--
you'll be free to be in tune with
the True Source of Light and Life--
as unknowable in any dimension of conditioned
creation as here in this particular world--
and at long last you'll be granted the opportunity
to find out who you really are--
then your struggle to live an authentic life will be much more
than a crazed wrestling with yourself in your room
on nightmare sheets of a bed like a granite crypt slab--
it won't be a miraculous intervention--
it won't happen instantly and you'll be "changed--changed utterly"--
it will happen little by little--step by step--one free gracious act
at a time--until you no longer are keeping any count of your steps--
you won't care about anything but what happens right in front of you
at the very moment of its happening--you'll no longer try to distinguish
a heaven and an earth--and you'll stop bowing and scraping
before other people's idols--
this is at the bottom of everything I've ever written--despite
the backslides--the advances--the hurt--the humor--my own
petty struggles to let this be--no luck--no chance--
no divine intercessions--just the continual unfolding
of the way forward and the falling away of every misery
we've ever put ourselves--in the name of "vengeance" "atonement"
"penance" "justice"--
if you trust these words--don't ruin their application
with egotism--and if you mock them
may you find this way in your own time--
be glad and
just think of the possibility of of no longer undergoing
the self-punishment of trying to be God...
Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
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