she walks through walls--

she disappears into the mist of your bewilderment--

the Eternal Lover--

the True Wife--

the other half of your pitiful half--

you see her in the blaze of sunlight

of leaves on summer trees--

you follow her down innumerable avenues

only to catch up to her and see

she isn't the one you were pursuing

but the resemblance was so strong--

you caught a whiff of sisterhood

and went wild with desire

you thought was a higher aspiration--

what's to keep you from retreating

into a delusion of spiritual suffering designed

to bore the hell out of any unfortunate enough

to wind up sitting next to you

at the brisket and beer joints?

you have no out anytime anywhere--

you are squarely in the middle of your hell

and God will let you roast there awhile--

and if deliverance be the death of the carnal shell

of all your heat--well--you asked for it--didn't you?--

unlimited liability on every soul

but worse for you who thought you could slide passed

with a noble intent disguising an emptiness

in the soul--now you know and can do nothing

that will invoke the intercession of Grace--

you cheated and lied before the sunset

thinking night would give you cover--

but nights brighter than any day

have shown you your fatal misjudgment--

you wonder among the throngs

blissfully unaware of the tab they are running

at the Eternal Club of the Limitless Experience--

but they will suffer less than you because they are unaware--

they haven't reached your self-awareness

tainted as it is with ego comforted but not overcome--

they will have their time--they will be where you are--

(their sleepless nights already hint at this)

but what is that to you?

you've already littered your own path--

you will gain nothing of someone else's miseries--

you are out there--forlorn under the violet twilight

ending another dubious day of self-absorption--

you cast your self-hate at them because you think

they are mirrors--

you have no will but to seek

and still she evades you--(maybe even saw you coming and fled--)

you squandered every blessing the angels brought to you

and you haven't even started the penitence

you'll only ruin with your own crazed view

of your place in creation--

but somewhere your completion sits on her dismay--

wondering where you are and why you haven't gotten

even the rudiments of awareness together enough

to find her and release both of you from the squalor

of your ultimate faithlessness--

she cannot name her disappointment--

(she's fled from so many pretenders--and there's a good chance

you were among them)

but you won't know this until it's too late--

you'll continue--oh you'll continue alright--

but what mercy will finally manifest

when you both meet and finally recognize each other?

will she know you for sure?

will you be enough over yourself

to be truly contrite?

you'll wander--stumbling in a haze

of hallucination and evisceration

until some Light awaken you...

to what damnation?

to what salvation?

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.