Friday, January 28, 2011

each day the world morphs beyond

anything we've known it to be--

no plan holds--no effort succeeds--

unless it be adherence to the cold dark clay of earth--

to be among those to pull the shoots out of the ground

as if they could enforce growth--

to be with those who wreck all green and growing things

to entomb such things in the crypts of their ambition

and think they've done a wonderous thing--

there are those among us who know better

but we've always been dismissible--what the world does not understand

it will ever seek to destroy--it has always been this way--

on this earth it will never change--

and each and every one of us in the earth will choose our way to die--

born into generalities and dying out in our own particulars

we who in our uncleanliness strive toward the One may one day be clean

and strong enough to pray for those plunging headlong into perdition

as ever the choice is ours--choose wisely then--then dare to leave

the rest to the One

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I can never understand
How more people in love
Don't kill each other

Strength of will
Or fear of law
I guess

And I would back
The latter


honesty can get you killed these days

we talk loosely--carelessly--

thinking ourselves among friends

and suddenly you're in a refrigerator

accosted by negativists who denounce all good

as if it were a grand lie and that truth can only be

dirty and humiliating--they look for evil and find it

then turn and say "see?"

now I understand the mountain men of the Old West

who saw the lie of good and bad alike

and said "the hell with it"--

I admire them as I/we endure our technological world society

run by both tyrannies alternately (but actually in unison)--

wish I could hunt game and grow gardens--

think I'd better learn--unless death spares me

the post-apocalyptic hell of a "New Golden Age"--

who--help us all?!


thank whatever power the One (for lack of an adequate word) is

that the moment is calm

that love and power are not present before me at this time--

may we all make it home one way or another

may we all find that peace that always around us

despite our lack of notice

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Monday, January 24, 2011

after a long weekend of illness

some business settled but nothing fully resolved--

and the same pressure for sustenance pressing pressing

and the same dashed hopes and fortified resentments--

what a life!

and yet--

let the unconsciously fortunate talk of positive thinking

unaware of their blessings or some future life

where they won't be allowed their ease of talk--

for me these troubles are so long established

that I see nothing amiss--I'm used to them

and frankly--wouldn't know how to live any other way

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.


1) I hurt; I healed; I stared at her legs all through first grade; I went up to my room and daydreamed.

2) I passed; I failed; I trembled at a first kiss; I boasted to schoolyard pals; I went up to my room and daydreamed.

3) I made the grade; I didn't make the cut; I knocked her up; I looked for work; I went up to my room and daydreamed.

4) I worked for years; I lost my pension; she and the kids are somewhere I can't follow; my liver became ruined; I went up to my room and daydreamed.

5) I was thrown out of bars; I became embarrassed during one-night stands; I mourned my limp pencil; I went up to my room and daydreamed.

6) I became the cliche I never thought I'd become; old friends avoided me where possible; a woman gave me a shot and failed; I went up to my room and daydreamed.

7) I lived with nothing to show; my memory was one long static shot of a sunset; I cried at the thought of my favorite childhood toy--a squeaky rubber lamb; I went up to my room and died.

8) ?

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
our Lady of Endless Horseshit

attend the transfiguration

of merde to flowers

on the mounds of our displaced earth

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Rimbaud saw vowels in color--

a former co-worker did also "A is bright red"

Dylan also created in color--Blonde On Blonde's sound

being metallic and bright shiny gold by his own testimony

or later when he was Tangled Up in Blue--

Rimbaud and Dylan both among my artistic heroes

and I contrast them--

my color being silver--like the cloudy

monochrome days of winter

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
how much I love

living in the moment of Infinite Possibility

and how sad--

that this is the only moment that feels alive to me--

its passing a gradual decline into mere effort

apotheosis or failure to achieve no matter

but just the senseless doing--hamsters

on treadmills serve a greater purpose

than we with our dreams and wishes and grand desires--

all we do is live in the glow

of the moment of Infinite Possibility

and wreck every strand of the Almighty's creation

in the process--how much I love

being a traitor to my own knowledge

for love of the Infinitely Possible

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip MIlito.
many family deaths recently

many trying times economically

and yet it all feels like a purge

as if business had to be settled

loose ends tied and

loved ones delivering their last love to us

on their way forward

to wait on us as we proceed

back here on earth

waiting for what cosmic turn

too vast and too heavy

to really take seriously

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

my world ended

when I woke up...

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

for the ones I wanted and couldn't have

for the ones who wanted me of whom I did not know

for the ones who bless every illusion

for the ones who curse every reality

for the ones who in actuality are lost outside their confines

for the ones who know their 'sorry' to be useless

for the ones I cannot reach and who cannot abide me

for all of us of every stripe

may we all be strong enough to rejoice

in the snares of perfection that enforce

the hardness of our salvation

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
my knowledge of the unknown world

grows stronger the nearer I get to it

and with it awareness of my earthly failures

and the sorrow that enshrouds what should be happy departure

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
yes I'm irritable

but it's just impatience

for I hate the world

and Man's mendacity

with such passion

that I am reduced to what I hate

and join them knowing myself as a hypocrite

and knowing my mandarin haughtiness

my contribution to the ills of the world

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
the life has been finally broken

all loss attends this reckoning

and weaker grows my heart as I survey

the dry emptiness ahead--

no need to ask God "where's the mercy?"

when there never was any--

but there's gratitude knowing where time grows short

so does the life

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
to those who turn from me

to mourn me in their way

I regret it is not mine to see

how their own hearts will be laid away

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
who will miss me when I'm gone?

no one

from life to life

all dooms assure

they resented my pride

and I hated their cowardice

oh judgments judgments are all we give each other

and no one to miss us when we go--

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
how grateful I am for truthful enemies

and deceitful friends

the ones who'd leave me to die in the cold

and the ones who'd tell how much they love me

as they watch me sink into what's left

of my fatal delusion--

putting all faith in a god who isn't there

and dying of my own truthful deceit

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
I had a vision once--
Where did it go?

It was just smoke and dreams--
The inability to distinguish fair from foul

The inability to acknowledge the error
Of fake comprehension--

A lifetime's worth of wondering
"Who am I?"

As if all of us were perpetual
Teenagers in wrinkled bodies

Facing the next round of blood work
Amazed it has come to this--

As if we had a codicil
Absolving us from nature's laws--

I had a vision that has become
The reality of my reckoning--

Now I know I do not know
Now I see I could never see--

And the longing to pass
Is almost irresistible

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Monday, January 17, 2011

there will be no easy entry into some glorious 'New Age'--

higher spiritual vibrations--assuredly--

greater sense of our responsibilities to all mankind--absolutely--

but even in that alleged hallowed time

you'll have those who cannot--who will not 'get it'--

those who'll turn these very percepts and values

into a new display of tyranny--but then--

earth will never be our final absolute home--

this place is just a weigh station on our way

toward the return to the One--

and this is an--you should excuse the expression--actuality

beyond all the relativity of truth--

many will be lost in that final armageddon

of souls struggling into the Light against

all the mechanizations of souls clinging to the dying

creation and trying to drag as many down with them as they can take--

may I be safe in 'heaven' by then--but oh that's a selfish wish also--

isn't it?--most prayer is selfish--"O Lord save me"

while we forget that "he who would save his life must lose it"--so let me--

let us be where time called will find us--

when we in our last realization of 'self' find ourselves looking out

of God's eyes--then we'll know--in our last fulfillment of wisdom--

that we've 'made it'

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

I tried my best

and learned we are at our worst

when we try our best--

when I--when we--learn to stop trying

to manipulate our faiths

maybe then when find a way forward--

even if God's vengeance will not relent

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
I'm still sorry for all my wrong

but a mere 'sorry' won't absolve--

your only choice is to give up and wallow

in your sin or to keep abusing yourself

in forward motion despite the reckonings--

the depleting reckonings--which which a 'loving' God

disabuses us of our high-flown notions of heaven

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
stop listening to all these New Age nincompoops

as vile as the power-ruined religions that enslave us

no one will be by your side as you walk

'that lonesome valley' and no apotheosis of peace

will be anything but a shuck and a jive

and another imprisonment on the way to the tight

snares of perfection we wryly call 'freedom'

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
hard it is to make amends

when your karma disallows it--

yes think as positively as you like

but your price will still be steep

and not settled when your new-found

resolve to repent is undone

by the price you'll pay despite the vows to amend

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
everyone asks for what they get

then complain about the cost--

how hard the intent is to forget--

but how easy the result is to be lost

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
now are you happy? now do you care?

now will you see the Light--or do you even dare?

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
never kid yourself--

words of love and support are sometimes worse

than the trouble with which you're dealing--

no one has any sympathy for your plight

unless they've 'walked in your shoes'--

and even then will they get it or will they harden

into their illusion? what can I tell you?

I've trusted and gotten screwed for it--

it's all our business and we have nothing to say about it--

God the judge and we ever the guilty defendants---

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

love does not last forever--that's why it's so precious--

do not mock or belittle yours--you'll ache beyond

what you can endure when you've lost it

before you can make any amends--when it's gone

and you'll find nothing--no one--to fill the space

in your heart that's left--when you'll lower your head

and mourn all the fallen of this brutal indifferent earth

or rage to your doom--destroying all around you--and yourself...

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


I'll say one thing and you'll hear it as something else--
Better to be mute before a statue

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I've emptied myself

in weariness and loss

now my emptiness

is all I have--

and while metaphysical

mavens pronounce this

as good--

my rent is due

I'm out of money

the world throws

a party to which

I'm not invited

and my imitation

of a statue

is praised by those

who aren't sitting

on this pedestal

and that's not so good--

but I do have my emptiness

and heaven alone knows

whether I'll survive long enough to see

what will fill it--

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
regarding the previous post: one could say

that one shouldn't judge or say anything--

(i.e., one with mites in his own eyes has no right to speak,

or, one shouldn't cast the first stone, etc.)--

yes, we may all be fallen in this world--"sinners" to use

the standard term--but we are still responsible

and to say nothing out of guilt laid on you by some clever debater

will only involve you more deeply into the "sin"--

if no one is without sin--if everyone has no right to speak--

then who will? our worldly state shouldn't be an excuse

to capitulate to wrong--better, as they say, to do something

rather than nothing--and if good is somehow wrought from this tragedy--

if it serves to shake people out of the complacency

of their health and prosperity or their dislocation and desperation--

then the world benefits ultimately--though why it always seems to be

at the price of someone's blood is the pain in it--heroes and martyrs

lurk under all of our skins--often not asking for the role and thrust into it

while simply going about daily business-

peace to the injured and dead--and at some point may we be strong enough

to pray for the disturbed and all who've fashioned an environment

for his functioning--and may we never stop saying so--

despite our worldly imperfections--lest no good come of anything--

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

yes, the Arizona maniac is a disturbed misfit

but giving Palin and Beck and all these right-wing agitators a pass

is flat wrong--

the maniac isn't crazy--he planned this with deliberation--

and frankly, he doesn't live in a vacuum--all the hatred currently on display

has to have had an influence on him--

but to say the right-wing's ravings didn't contribute to this debacle

is naive at best and downright irresponsible at worst (or is that vice versa?)

we are all responsible for the world we live in

and as long as no one owns up to their own personal responsibility--

as long as everyone walks around in their self-righteous bubbles

and thinks it's everyone else's fault--then you can kiss goodbye

to any notions of community--

there will never be peace on earth--that's not what the earth is for--

we are here to work on our souls--make amends and perfect our love--

(if spirituality or the idea of it turns you off--then think

the Golden Rule--think of reaping what you sow--)

and even the notion of a permanent Golden New Age is as wrong-headed

as some established religion's idea of heaven and hell--

there is no static perfection we'll fit into--the struggle will continue to

the end of time--and then nothing--no excuse you can come up with--will

save you--love your neighbor as yourself--or else

(and this is not someone's notion of salvation--though sadly it could be--)

as a friend of mine once put it in a song--"no one is exempt"-

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

you will not know what hit you--

you'll be walking down the street

admiring the sky

thinking of your love's birthday

or a new job

or hopes for some sanity

to return to our society

and then you stagger

the lights go out for an instant

and when they come up again

everything is brilliantly bright and defined

and you look down at your body

with others huddled around it

and before that tunnel opens and you race

up into it toward that growing speck of light

there is a moment of hurt and confusion

in the bardos

as you see your assassin escaping into his own darkness

and your anger fades understanding the hell he has

consigned himself to

while you will go where you are loved

to wait for those left behind that you love...

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I have given all away

and now what remains

is the the darkening sky

and the cold earth--

and if a Light shines

beyond this earthly hell

who can receive it

but those who love

the darkening sky

and the cold earth?

I have given all away

for the renunciation

that gains all--

is that willful?

does that very desire

disallow all

because it is poor excuse

for greed?

if a Light shines...

if a Light shines...

this will also be resolved--

the All being beyond

what is and isn't--

all given away

received finally

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
it is not

a happy situation

to be outside the box

when the box itself

is collapsing under

the weight of its

angry contents--

not happy

to know

that the box will break

and the contents spill

outside to become

a chaos that will

be absorbed by cosmic processes

into a new orderliness

we in these skins

will never comprehend--

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
the doctor's

motto is

"do no harm"--

I say

it should be

"do no worse"

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Some selections from Initiated, a very, very old collection of mine.

I have no idea
What you're after
I only know
That I don't know
What I want
And made love to you
Knowing you would
Pick up my worst habits



When did you
First realize
Your life would
Cost you your life?


I'm one of those cranks
Who think animals are better than people

And why not? Doesn't the Bible
Tell there's no sin in them?


It hurts to open the heart
Only God's silence answers a prayer
See how fragile the communication is
I'm trying out other voices


1:30 AM

In deep night
A fast whirring
Car alarm

----dead stop

Then continues
As before
Soft then loud
As the

Air moves


DECEMBER 28, 1980 (for T.D.M.)

So many years after your death
The night is dim red snowlight
The streetlamp's soft rays like arms
Reaching out to catch the racing fog



Rain hangs tears
On every flower
The bee invades



Like a vision, Death
Fills his domain;

The world the width
Of a window pane.

* * *

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
a good life


a bad death

any day

in eternity

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.
I gave up the things I liked
but I gave them up too late--
consequence has set me on a different diet--
one I'd been ignoring for years
in pride
in denial
in false belief
of an earthly immortality--

now I cannot--will not drink again--
unless you'll accept a toast of water--
now I cannot--will not eat any meat
the steroids are killing everybody
and beef takes half a week
to leave my system anyhow--

no--I'm not trying to convert anyone--

no--now I will eat when I'm hungry
drink when I'm dry
as the old songs go--
Living Water and the grain of the earth--
it took nature to cure me
where my own sense of self could--would not--
now I've returned to the chow line
where the Ineffable Master Chef
has never refused anyone
a meal...

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

in the fullness of our vigor

we ignore the fact

that one day our vigor will diminish

that the shadows will grow longer

and the evening sky will soothe

as the full midday sun revved us up in our primes--

when that time comes for me

and all the regrets and the sweet satisfactions

of the day are one in the gentleness of decline

my best hope will be to die

with a better reserve of grace

than that with which I lived...

Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

the meadowlarks are awakening

they wait for the sun to rise in the sky

they fly about the disfigured mannikins

waiting for them to stop walking among us

with their zombie lusts and their lack of life

I watch them wheel in the sky

and envy their persistence

I got tired long ago but in my slowing

I feel operas and ashtrays jockey for my attention

I do not wish to participate but disaffiliation is hard

when we are all One and one man's bullshit

is another man's manure

whole orchards rise out of shit

while the soul-dead look to exterminate

the sources of life

I refuse to be a part of this carnage

even as I lift my foot out of the mulch of destroyed

visions and compromised wisdoms of brotherhood

sucking down our steps like a quicksand of senselessness

the meadowlarks wheel above

paragons of patience following the vectors

of grace that are the grace of the One

God Universal Forces Source of Life Source of Light

Center of the Vortex whatever whatever whatever

I want to be a meadowlark

I am a meadowlark

what the hell am I doing with dead worlds

when new worlds spring into existence

every second

I'm flying with the meadowlarks

my nest has been eliminated by the passing of time

and the mendacity of fallen dreams crushed hopes

I don't want to die that way

I want to die in full flight

I want to follow the beams of sunlight

that will survive every darkness of the earth

thank God Goddess Whoever Almighty

the meadowlarks are again awakening

with every being of Creation

his own avatar his own responsible savior

the meadowlarks are awakening

let's join them


Content (c) 2008-2011 Philip Milito.